i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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