new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
