Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
