I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
