Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
