Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
