The maid of honor just puked.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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