I wish you could order shots online.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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