see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
