Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
