So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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