From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm experimenting with sincerity
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
