i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
