Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How does one acquire holy water?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
