so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
