im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
