I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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