20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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