I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
