i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I need moral support for this bender
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
