take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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