I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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