clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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