I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
