hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
