I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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