as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
