he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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