i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
