just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
