His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
