Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
