help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
