Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Duck Duck Cougar?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
