just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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