so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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