The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
