I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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