whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
