So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Randomize
