but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
