Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
