You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
