I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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