i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
