How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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