Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
