Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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