I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
