Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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