4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
