Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
